I have been a good girl (except when I told people off, but they deserved it, because I am NOT a doormat). Actually, I have been mostly nice all my life, which is a really, really, really long time, considering my AARP-eligibility status.
I never talked to strangers.
I always came home before dark.
I never smoked behind the gym.
I never drank under the bleachers.
I was faithful to my high school sweetheart for 42 years.
I adopted a child when I was 47 and didn’t have the strength.
I wear tasteful, preppy clothes.
I’ve been kind to many, many animals, including dogs, cats, birds, a rat named Bernice, Franklin the box turtle, and a really nasty iguana named Jezebel.
I’ve been gracious under pressure and stood up to bullies, for myself and for others.
I always put money in the Salvation Army bucket.
I volunteer for numerous non-profit organizations.
I go to church every Sunday.
I strive to be a lady.
I drive a hybrid.
For Christmas, I would like a license to be naughty. Not “cheat-on-my-taxes” naughty, but “let’s have fun without guilt” and “throw caution to the wind” naughty. I’ve never thrown caution to the wind, but it sounds exciting.
I want rhinestones on my nails, which is a risky choice for an Episcopalian, but, hey, we respect the dignity of all people of every lifestyle, don’t we?
I want the courage to wear a two-piece bathing suit, in public, before I die, on a beach where someone that I know might see me. (Wearing one last September doesn’t count, because I was in Mexico.)
What do you think about a tattoo? I’m undecided, because it would be soooo baaaad, but I don’t like needles and change my mind so often that I surely would regret it in the morning when the Champagne wore off, so, probably not. Never mind.
I want to be guilt-free when I take a penny from the “give-a-penny-take-a-penny” container on the counter at my local convenience store, so I can give the clerk exact change. Yes, I donate pennies, selfishly, because I don’t like all that copper rolling around in the lint at the bottom of my purse, but it’s agonizing to think that I’m taking a penny from someone who might really need it.
I want to throw on my skinny jeans and high heels and rock out as much as a sober, 63-year old woman can…well, for an hour or two, anyway. (My knees can’t handle much more than that.)
I want to change lanes on a whim without signaling, like every other moron on the highway, and have people slam on their brakes, like I do, to avoid me.
I want to say “no” to things that I don’t want to do.
I want to walk out of boring meetings.
I want to send back inedible food in restaurants.
I want to return a dress when I get home and decide that it doesn’t look as good as I thought it did in the dressing room.
I want to tarnish my heart of gold and bend my spine of steel. I’m tired of being the last woman on Earth doing The Right Thing all the time.
Oh! And please bring me whatever else you think that I would like and/or need.
friend kind and loving friend,
P.S. By the way, Santa baby, I’ll be home on Christmas Eve after midnight with oatmeal cookies and spiked eggnog, if you’d like to deliver my request. <wink, wink>